Bridgit is hardwired for action, motivated by a drive for productivity. Well, that is how she put it when she introduced herself to me on our first coaching call.
In the same breath, she declared, “In all of last year, I maybe had one day where I felt really good, I mean satisfied, about how I spent my day—one day where I felt really productivity and I wasn’t beating myself up about failing to do something important.”
With courage and the support of a compassionate thought partner, she explored the fear that has driven her forward for so long. Together we found it be a fear characterized by the threat of loss, of missing out, and of missing the mark.
I had an instant visual of Bridgit standing alone and appearing small and fragile in a dark wood of towering shadowy trees of self-imposed expectations and impossibly high standards of performance. I felt the fear that pervaded this place. I heard it in her strained, fast-paced speech as she described the feeling of it. It felt more like a blurted confession than a curiosity of this feeling—there was an urgency to be free of its hold.
With courage and the support of a compassionate thought partner, she explored the fear that has driven her forward for so long. Together we found it be a fear characterized by the threat of loss, of missing out and of missing the mark.
Bridgit’s fear had a nature of its own. Fear was a silent but present driver rooted in her gut creating a compulsion toward forwarding action, in most cases fear characterized by the threat of loss, of missing out, and of missing the mark.
Bridgit’s fear had a nature of its own. Fear was a silent but present driver rooted in her gut creating a compulsion toward forward action, in most cases reaction, to the point of exhaustion. She was motivated to win at all costs, and the price was high: Her sense of self-worth. In her below the line way of being, Bridgit was unconsciously giving away her power by striving to please others before herself, holding firm to false beliefs about this as a means to living a fulfilling life.
Bridgit is not alone in feeling this way. Her go-getter readiness is exalted as the American way. She is acknowledged for her savvy sales skills as she continues to close deals morning, noon, and nights--even weekends. The organization she works for presses the team for face-to-face meetings and she makes it happen, stretching herself from the Central to Sacramento Valley, threading through molasses thick Bay Area traffic. Racing, running, panting.
What if it could all be different—feel completely different? This is the question I posed for her in our coaching session. I wanted for Bridgit to consider for herself, maybe for the first time, what could be possible for her if she gave herself permission to tune into a different frequency. Less hustle and jump, more tuning in and listening.
With the arrival of the Coronavirus pandemic in Mid-March, Californians like Bridgit entered into a covenant to shelter in place beginning on Monday, March 16th. In those early weeks, we as a nation held our breath and took a collective pause, time has amalgamated into what felt like one extended day. The novelty of that offers entirely new insights on what is possible when you come to a screeching halt; stop doing and start just being.
Two and half months into this, along with Bridgit, most of us in America are still choosing to stay home with most restaurants only now beginning to reopen, and here it is late May. A crisis of epic proportions such at Covid-19 offers us something more than devastation and fear, embedded in the experience of it are new insights for our lives moving forward: Time can be a friend, not foe.
For Bridget, when asked what her view of time is now that she’s been grounded at home for the past few months, she says as if the words we waiting on the tip of her tongue: “Time is a gift. There is a warmth to time now.”
I imagine Bridget stepping out of the dark wood and into the afternoon sunlight among the flowers and grass. I see her stand with her eyes close, enjoying the sensation of just being there, feeling the sun on her face and whole body.
I press her with my curiosity, “What is your new belief about time?”
“Good question.” She paused and I could hear her inhale deeply. I waited as she formulated her thoughts.
“Time is mine to design. I feel happier now that I have time back again. I am finally able to get my work done. I feel more productive than ever doing less running around.” Her voice softened with an easefulness,
“I realize now that time is a resource that represents so much of who I am that I don’t want to let it go without thinking about it.” She paused to consider her words, then offered, “I want to be intentional with my time to get the right work done in a way that works best for me.”
Developing a New Relationship with Time
Consider, as Bridget has, what is your current mindset around time. Do you feel you have enough of it? Too much?
Chart below presents a dichotomy of time from a sensory, emotional, and intellectual experience. Read through to get a better sense of how your own relationship with time.
Are you more reacting or responding to the demands on your time?
Bridgit’s fear had a nature of its own. Fear was a silent but present driver rooted in her gut creating a compulsion toward forwarding action, in most cases fear characterized by the threat of loss, of missing out, and of missing the mark.
A Corporeal Sense of Time: Feeling Time in the Body
How to Create a Responsive and Intentional Relationship with Time for your Work Days
1. Narrow the Scope—Get clear on what is THE priority. You can’t do it all, so decide what is most important. Reconnect to WHY by clarifying what is important about getting this work done so you feel your best making the choice to do it.
2. Set Clear Goals—Decide before you start where your endpoint is: Set a time boundary or production goal. It could be something like 30 minutes or 500 words.
3. Start with the Essentials—Eat the frog! In other words, do what is most important first thing in your day. That may mean to create a morning routine that establishes a mindful approach to the work day or clearing the deck to tackle the stickiest project with your fresh brain.
4. Time Bind—Know how much time routine tasks take and plan accordingly. Time block your calendar for the week ahead to plan for the experience you want to have with your work.
5. Be Intentional—Be clear on how you want to feel as you work through your week. Consider completing these sentences:
a. As I begin my workday, I will be _____________________(ex. focused) .
b. I am committed to feeling ________________________ (ex. grounded, curious).
c. In order to take care energy of myself and recover my energy, I will _____________.
d. I will celebrate what I gave of myself each day by __________________.
6. Eliminate Distractions—Honor the time you do have to offer by preserving and protecting it from temptations like email, texts, and the ultimate time suck, scrolling and trolling social media. Know your top three default distractions are and work to disable them from derailing you.
7. Ask for help—Yes, you may go fast on your own, but you won’t last the distance and it won’t be nearly as fulfilling work. When reaching out to collaborate or counsel with others, be intentional in your approach by planning the outcomes you want. Set a time limit and eliminate distractions to protect your time and the time of others you call upon to ensure they’ll be a ready yes to support you again in the future.
8. Recharge, Play, and Enjoy!—We live our lives in THIS moment, not in the future or in the past. Shifting our relationship with time is about creating space to slow down, recover to our best selves, and celebrate our wins along the way.
The Work
1. Time is yours to create! What shifts do you want to make?
2. Identify three commitments that will make to yourself related to time. For example, it may be something like, “I will to start my day feeling relaxed and grounded by practicing a morning ritual of meditation.”
Katie is dedicated to calling out greatness in women. As a leadership coach and consultant, she relishes diving in with women who are curious and courageous, daring to set a course for change with a compelling vision and open heart. Her style is rooted in a vibrant curiosity, an upbeat energy, and a fierce commitment to transformation. Committed to living a life that honors her values of meaningful connection and creative expression, she invites women to live in alignment to core values with a purpose that makes the heart sing. She has developed a company, Co-Elevate Coaching + Consulting, that honors her belief that we are all leaders of our own lives, learning how to grow ourselves and support the growth of others.
Ready to uplevel your life with some one-on-one coaching? Set up a 30-minute spark session with Katie to learn more and get started today.
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