I just returned from three nights camping on the coast in our little RV with the kids (and no husband), absorbing all the job duties that Brent usually managed on such adventures (and it turned out there were plenty). Although I had planned for this trip and packed for it, it almost didn’t happen.
Letting my kids down was not an option, so I fumbled my way through calling on professionals for help when I had exhausted my list of handy friends. All I could do was solve the next problem at hand and chip away at the looming obstacle without feeling overwhelmed and hopeless by it. Eventually, we departed for Depoe Bay six hours after our originally planned time, but still the same day, so that’s a win!
As I encountered one RV-related problem after another (major challenges for the non-handy sort that I am), I was conscious of the imposed threat to my credibility with my kids if I dared to ditch this trip, as I was tempted to do every five minutes during that six-hour stretch of troubleshooting and problem-solving that had me driving to every Ace Hardware in town and calling all the RV servicers in town hoping for a same-day last-minute cancelation so we could get the help we needed.
As things got complicated, and my resolve faltered, I felt their eyes on me, watching my body for signs of surrender under stress. They didn’t say much, as if not daring to create a new obstacle for me by posing their questions. I imagine they were listening for clues if the trip was still on or fractured into a worthless heap like our water filter.
No matter what, I was determined to launch this adventure, with or without running water. This damn hotel room on wheels was loaded with food and clothes. We were committed. I was committed. This was happening. By a small miracle, we got on the road with a mostly fixed water filter (leaking was better than totally broken), and although we departed much later than we originally planned, we still got going the same day, arriving an hour before sunset on the beach. A win!
Keeping your word is a powerful way of building self-trust.
With a little bit of daring and a lot of self-trust, we feel resourced and ready to boldly leap out into the unknown and unfamiliar world beyond our own well-worn and traveled corner to discover something new in ourselves and in our world.
This is true whether you are trying to patch up your leaking RV before venturing off alone with the kids, or you are gathering your energy and thoughts for a difficult conversation with a colleague.
To trust yourself is to know in your bones that you will find a way to give the situation the attention, time, and energy it warrants and that you are committed to delivering.
This latter piece—the commitment piece—is a tricky variable for many. It’s why many hire coaches like me. Asking another to help you hold accountability in areas of life where you find yourself underdelivering on your best intentions or desires as it pertains to your future visions is a bold and strategic choice.
It is widely helpful to recruit support in this area from a coach or friend, because 1) it makes explicit what it is you want to change by naming the intention and desire out loud to someone else, and 2) articulating the goal allows you to consciously and strategically plan a roadmap for accomplishing this quest and charting what success looks like along the way.
Every time we set a goal, make a promise, commit to an action, and/or articulate an intention to ourselves or others, we are creating an opportunity to build trust with ourselves by way of following through on our word.
The first of the four agreements in the classic book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz is “Be Impeccable with Your Word.” Ruiz states that this is the most important of the four agreements and also the most difficult to honor. One’s word is so important because of the power it bears to create outcomes.
“Through the word you express your creative power. It’s through the word that you manifest everything. Regardless of what language you speak, your intent manifests through the word. What you dream, what you feel, and what you really are, will be manifested through the word” (Ruiz 1997).
Like a “sword with two edges,” Ruiz warns that the word can create, but it can also destroy. Being “impeccable with your word” to Ruiz is a way of honoring and respecting yourself, by using language to not harm yourself, but to express love of yourself and faith in yourself.
From this perspective, our word becomes an expression of self-love and a self-honoring promise, as Ruiz explains,
“Being impeccable with your word is the correct use of your energy; it means to use your energy in the direction of truth and love for yourself.”
We learn through experience that our word matters, and come to appreciate the power we hold when we make commitments and follow through. I doesn’t matter that the results are different from what we planned for—that’s life!—what matters is that we did what we said we’d do. When we do what we say, and let the rest go, we learn to trust ourselves and be reliable to ourselves and others.
Becoming Impeccable with Your Word
Step into a New Perspective: My Word Has Power. Take inspiration from Don Miguel Ruiz who says “It’s through the word that you manifest everything.”
Get clear on the change you want to create.
How can your word be instrumental to helping you bring your vision to life?
Often without realizing it, we allow our word to become a toxic force, creating more harm than healing.
Here’s a tip: Get curious about the ways you use your word in a harmful way such as lying, flaking out on commitments, criticizing others and self, gossiping, etc. Which of these can you cut out?
Make Only Commitments You Are Willing (and Able) to Keep—
Pare down your commitments to just what you are consistently able to follow through on, and build back up from there.
Prioritize getting familiar with the limits of your time, energy, and attention.
When you break a commitment with yourself, get curious about why. Do you really want to do this thing? Is it important to you? If not, delegate.
Here’s a tip: Prioritizing working within your Zone of Genius allows you to increase the enjoyment and success you experience doing the work, which can increase the likelihood you’ll execute on your commitment
Strengthen the value of your word by doubling down on your follow-through
If you often hit snooze when your alarm goes off, evaluate whether you need the alarm in the first place.
Here’s a tip: Get clear on your top personal priorities—fewer commitments give you more time and energy to put toward what you care most about.
Practice saying no to reduce the likelihood of doling out promises you can’t keep.
Your Word is a Generative Force for Good---Focus on the Positive
Eliminate the toxic stuff—the gossip and criticism—to generate an inclusive attitude for all
Your energy, purpose, and passions come into being through your word
Begin to notice how your words open you up or close you off to others and your vision
Here’s a tip: Focus on what’s working; let the rest go.
If your teen years were anything like mine, the childish rebellions of our youth where we lied to authority figures, gossiped about classmates, and flaked out on dates with boys serve as a counterpoint to how we choose to approach our way of being today as conscious adults.
The best part is, at this moment, we are expressing words that will shape our present and future.
Today—now!—we are fully at choice. It’s up to you and me to decide how we want our words and actions to define who we are—the values we hold, the vision we aspire to, and the purpose that defines our days, from the tiny commitments to the epic.
I knew committing to taking the kids on an adventure in Freya was a stretch for me. I was not the person who dealt with the tubes and tanks that deposit or deplete the liquids in and out of the rig, but I said yes because I wanted to create a new possibility for myself, to be the parent who could run the RV and field and solve the issues that inevitably came up.
It was a bumpy road but I got us there and back in one piece, and more often than not, that’s all that really matters.
Opmerkingen